Culture Shared - Choice or No Choice?

Early on in life we are grouped together and identified as belonging to this family or that ethnicity, the athletes, the cheerleaders, the smart group, etc. Our text states that “because cultures are shared, we are not entirely free to act as we wish” (326).

I wish to dispel this notion and say that freedom in this instance is a choice, and as we mature and become more diverse in our experiences we can choose to grow beyond this notion and realize we have a choice to choose the freedom to act as we wish regardless of our shared culture…within legal limits, of course.

I think what inhibits this reality of choice is staying within a single culture and never stepping outside of that culture to experience or empathize with other cultures beyond those we are familiar with, and stymied to.

Then there is the matter of honoring the culture you are experiencing and to use an old cliché, “when in Rome, do as the Romans do.”  This is important to conform, but to honor, which is also a cognitive free choice. 

Equally Observable Premises?

I firmly believe in the premises of rationality, perfectibility, and mutability; however, having traveled throughout 17 countries to date, I believe, that to some extent, they are most observable in more developed societies. For instance, it is not as easy to observe the mutability premise throughout the greater continent of Africa because as a third world continent, it is overpowered by extreme poverty.  This does not equate to dispel the premise, quite the contrary.  It is just to say that to remove someone from their environmental factors to observe the improvement in their physical and psychological circumstances is not readily accomplished or observed.

Many social institutions are based on these premises throughout our world, but none more than countries with democratic government systems, which although structured in a hierarchical manner, operate under the rationality premise and rely heavily upon logical analysis to arrive at decisions. Other non-governmental environments including small and large corporations, non-profit organizations, and others follow this model and rely upon this premise, also.

Society's Culture and an Individual's Culture

I agree, to some extent, with Benedict’s declaration that we are “creatures of our culture” and that our habits, beliefs, and impossibilities are shaped by our culture. However, I also believe that our physical environment, parents, social economic status, education and other factors contribute a significant measure of input into our individual culture.

I believe collectively as a specific society we are shaped more according to Benedict’s philosophy; and that it is possible to be individually shaped by a litany of other factors, the likes of which some are previously mentioned.

Take for example, a 20-year old native Californian, college girl who lives with her parents, was home-schooled, and attends a traditional conservative American church. Her peers are dating, going to parties, camping with friends, taking road trips during school breaks and all the other activities that are culturally acceptable and expected of college students in our modern society.  Meanwhile, she finds nothing abnormal about her parents forbidding her from joining in her friends’ activities, and requiring she keep them apprised of where she is at all times, while she is not allowed to date, go to parties, or on camping or road trips without her family. Because of her sheltered home environment, overly protective care of her parents and her ultra conservative education, she never considers challenging her parents’ strict rules and if anyone suggests she should, she defends their behavior because even though it is not the cultural norm for America, she believes her parents are behaving normally. Her individual culture is in direct opposition of her society’s culture.

Spatial Affects

I found the topic of spatial arrangement and its affect on our lives and the communication process interesting. I can hardly recall a time in my life when I was not acutely aware of furniture placement, seating arrangements, and overall room aesthetics in every facet of my life.  Without knowing the do’s and don’ts of why I would sit in a certain place, or prefer furniture arranged a certain way specific to the people and context of the gathering, ex: business, family, etc. or whether I felt a need to disarm someone’s defensiveness who was sitting at the table with me, or feel I was more in a power position, after reading this portion of our text, I now realize I was inherently tuned into the affect of spatial arrangement beyond wanting to sit next to someone I was interested to talk to. There have been occasions where I’ve been aware of sitting at the head of the table in business when I am leading something, and other times when I have been mindful to sit in the middle seat around a table when I wanted a more collaborative communication process, but I am inspired to know there is an actual term and concept surrounding what I did naturally to facilitate communication as I deemed appropriate.  It is very interesting how spatial and visual surroundings have such an impact on our lives.

Kidnap attempt, Saudi Prince & the Left Hand

I’ve been fortunate to have traveled 17 countries and 38 states, to date.  I love to travel.  Interestingly enough, I haven’t recognized different nonverbal meanings stateside or regional. Perhaps, it's because I have had a great deal of experience with varying nonverbal messages abroad.

Take for instance, as a woman traveling in Israel.  I was informed I was not to make any direct eye contact with any men, although they could (and did) gawk at me, to the extreme.  I traveled with a group of twelve; about half married, the other half of us single.  If an Israeli man wanted to approach or speak to me, he would first nod to one of the men in our group and then look at me as if to ask one of the male traveling companions in our group for permission to speak to me.  There were a few occasions when we were fine dining that a man would just come up to our table and directly speak to one of our male companions and ask for permission to speak to me.  I have to say, as a strong, independent woman this was not easy for me to sit through quietly, but I am wise enough to know I needed to let the customs of the land and my male companions handle the matter.  It worked most of the time, although I did get mauled for a kiss by a street seller who nearly brought a riot to erupt. I, also, had three proposals including one from a Saudi Prince where the ante went all the way up to 180 camels (woot, woot!).  And rather sadly, I came all too close to being kidnapped in Bethlehem.  Talk about nonverbal messages!  I read the culprits’ (two men) clues loud and clear, as a few natives of the area did their best to protect me by screaming and drawing attention to the incident because they knew better than I what the nonverbal signs were. I definitely learned never to lag behind my group or go back to the bus for anything alone, again.

In Africa, I’ve traveled to five countries; Ghana, Nigeria, Ethiopia, Kenya, and Tanzania.  Throughout the continent, it is never appropriate to touch anyone or anything with your left hand. If you do so, it's a sign of disgust or disrespect. This is the hand Africans use in the “restroom” which is often void of toilet paper… thus, the left hand.  It is also not acceptable for a woman to show her knees.  She can walk around topless anywhere, breasts fully visible, but if her knees show she’s being sexually suggestive.  Also, you never use your hand to gesture for someone to come over to you.  This is interpreted as, “Let’s go to bed together.” 

Best to know the customs of the land!  Happy travels. J  

The Proverbial Crossed Arms

A former boyfriend of mine had a fairly regular habit of crossing his arms in front of himself  He is a muscular build which only seems to intensify the appearance of his non-verbal message of either being closed off to what those near him are communicating, or that he is upset.  I finally grew accustom to accepting that often times he was not sending either message, it was just that he is comfortable with his arms crossed.  Like some of us are most comfortable with our legs crossed.

I was pretty successful at reading him most of the time, but there was one occasion at a social event where I misread his stance, didn't look to read the message his eyes were sending me, and we had a sizable disagreement about it on the way home.  I forgot that non-verbal behaviors can have many different meanings (128).  If I had stopped the behavior I was doing which was precipitating his being upset, looked in his eyes to read his facial message, and more importantly, just come out to ask him if he was upset I probably could have prevented one of our few major challenges.  .

To increase accuracy with which we interpret nonverbal messages, it’s important to make the effort not to automatically stereotype the nonverbal messages of others, no matter how well we seem to know them.  It is also important not to assume that what we are individually comfortable with pertaining to things like personal space and/or cultural norms are what others are comfortable with.  It is equally helpful when we are mindful of the nonverbal messages we send others, whether we do so purposefully or not.