Early Days of Telecommuting

I began working from home back in the early decades ago after the birth of my second child. I started a company of my own and even though I didn’t report to a manager, I was accountable to clients.

As my company grew and I hired employees, they would check in every morning for their various assignments, swinging by my home/office each morning for their work cards, supplies, and team assignments. My son, toddling around in diapers, would be perched on my lap as I typically had a phone in one ear, and assignment cards for the employees in the other as they lined up waiting for their assignments.

I had a dedicated space, which had formerly been the (twice a year utilized) formal dining room. My employees were in and out of my home each morning between 7:00 am and 7:30 am Monday through Friday. They knew never to come any other time of day or night so there was definitely an absolute separation between work and family time responsibilities. Once my children were home from school, I was completely theirs’ until bedtime. If I had leftover work to do for business, it was done after they were asleep.

While I have watched other of my friends telecommute over the more recent advancement of technology and its popularity, I have seen how difficult it can be for some to balance work and family when they work from home.

I had never considered telecommuting or working from home in any capacity to be a potential challenge, because my experience was that working from home allowed me to focus without worrying about other responsibilities. I was able to be a working mom and still insure that I was there every morning and every afternoon when my children came home from school. I loved the added discipline it took to run a business from my home, an early version of telecommuting, because it helped me to live a more balanced life and save an hour or more each day that I would have spent on the road commuting.

Oh, another perk…laundry seldom piled up because I was home to keep the washer and dryer going each day in between talking to clients and handling other business matters. 

An "Emily" Post

When it comes to cell phone use in public places I will sometimes remind total strangers that no one really wants to hear about their latest fight with their boyfriend, recent doctor's visit or worse. It has to be a really loud and obnoxious extended conversation for me to finally pipe up and say something, but I will do so as politely as possible when I feel it's needed. Such was the case recently as a young woman was sharing the intimate details of her latest STI. I was studying in a Panera Bread and she was half way across the room talking veraciously on her cell phone about the recent infection her cheating boyfriend bestowed upon her. The conversation was clearly upsetting the other patrons, and since there was no way to escape her conversation without leaving their meals behind and exiting the restaurant. I quietly went by the gal's table and whispered, "You may want to talk a little quieter." Almost on cue, she said, "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry." And then she stood up and went outside to finish her conversation in a more private fashion. Sometimes I think we're all guilty of not realizing how our conversations may be affecting those around us, strangers or not, but clearly some conversations are best left totally private.

Answering machines are a joke! They are annoying and outdated and remind me of my parents and grandparents. Most people who still have them that I know of, only use them to screen calls and seldom actually listen to any messages left for them. If I reach an answering machine, I hang up and hope to connect with them another time.

I think depending on the number of callers on a conference call, it could be that there are few enough participants that once  we introduce ourself on the call, it would seem odd to keep announcing who we are each time you speak. Also, if we're going to speak to anyone other than those on the conference call or if there is anything generating noise around us that we cannot quiet, it is absolutely critical that we place our phone on mute and speakerphone unless we are going to be speaking. Otherwise, it's best to reschedule the conference call to when it can be void of distractions and background noise.

Faxes are a bit outdated now with scanning and email capabilities, but should when I do have to fax I like to call ahead and let the recipient know to expect it, and I only fax what is absolutely necessary. Otherwise, I view unexpected faxes as the equivalent of spamming, and I have never found it necessary to fax or call anyone for business after normal business hours unless all parties involved realize that it is necessary.

I prefer to keep a pleasant, short and welcoming voicemail message with a simple ring tone and basic screen names so that I don't have to concern myself whether the incoming call is personal or for business. If I want to be more personal and creative I save it to sending texts, pictures, or leaving messages on others' phones.

Ethical Obligations and My College

There is a shared identity with organizations and the environment (community) that they live in and are tied to; not only locally, but also globally. Ethically, there are additional obligations implicitly placed upon the organizations. These ethical obligations seem to be growing at a rapid pace with environmental issues becoming more and more prevalent, and the advancement of information technology providing for a more informed world.    

The ethical obligations and impact of organizational decisions made by the college I attend are far reaching. As I have become active in student government on my college campus, it can sometimes be challenging to me when I see the bureaucracy that takes place. This is especially true when I feel that the overall impacts of the decisions being made are not fully taken into consideration. Whether it is expanding the physical campus, traffic and parking congestion or solar panels geared to feed the grid, the ethical obligations of these decisions and more have a significant impact and responsibility to the extended community.

Mutually Satisfying Vacation

Managing interpersonal conflict takes an ongoing effort, daily, sometimes hour by hour depending on the health of the relationship. This is the case regardless what category the relationship falls into: parent/child, husband/wife, employer/employee, friend/friend, even professor/student.

The degree by which we successfully manage conflict depends greatly upon the willingness of the parties to openly and directly discuss their needs; at least this is so in our American low context culture.

I think it’s easy to look at a particular pair in conflict and immediately judge the situation, identifying the vocal one of the pair as more the aggressor, therefore, more the problem, the controller.

This is not always the case, and in my own experiences with those close to me I have found the individual who is passive-aggressive, who withdraws as the one who has more control over the matter. Not to say, this is true in all cases, but in my interpersonal family relationships, I have come to learn that this is the case, most often.

I appreciate the text suggesting problem solving as oppose to compromise. It makes great sense to think of a new creative answer that helps both parties obtain what’s important to them, as oppose to both walking away disgruntled and left wanting.

Take the example of the couple regarding taking a vacation; one party wanting to do so alone, the other wanting a joint vacation. In this example, a problem solving solution could be openly discussed with each party stating their need behind what they want, and then split the vacation time in half, taking some alone vacation time, and some together. This way, both parties receive what’s important to them, and feel heard.  Of course, this technique requires two mature people willing to collectively work together to find a mutual satisfying solution, which unfortunately, is not always feasible depending upon the individuals and the tools they have learned to utilize.

Love Lost...

Interestingly, I have actually done the reverse of the question posed in this week’s discussion: “Have you ever eliminated someone by using a sociological or pre-interaction cue only to reconsider them based on interaction and cognitive cues?”

I have been single almost a decade now. I have come close to remarrying twice. In both relationships, it was interaction and cognitive cues that initially brought us to have such an intense bond that we considered marriage.

All the while, in both relationships we lacked the sociological (demographic) cues as we lived thousand of miles apart, and in the end distance played a pivotal role in the dissolving of the relationship.

Of course, we knew early on that distance was a challenge, but we felt that our amazing interaction and cognitive connection would bring us to be able to resolve the distance challenge and carry us through to our “happily-ever-after.”

That was not the case. We were both entrenched in our communities, businesses, and families so that our bond did not penetrate the challenge and bring either of us to submitting to moving across country. It was heartbreaking for both of us, but it was also very realistic decision and one that I believe prevented either of us resenting having submitted and left life as we knew it.

Rigid Belongs Equated with Highways!

Although change in most any area of life can often be challenging, I think the rigid complimentary is the most difficult relationship to change. I tend to view anything prefaced with the word “rigid” other than a highway, difficult.

Take the example shared in our text as a starting point, that of a parent-child relationship. When a child is young it is pivotal for the safety and well being of the child that a parent exercise areas of rigid authority, in a “one-up role.” 

Yet, as the child grows and becomes a young adult and beyond, I believe it is vital for parents to learn to shift their former rigid role of authority into that of an influencer, and more complementary in the sense of sharing the one-up dominant role and one-down submissive with their child. This is easier said than accomplished, as it is difficult and requires constant effort and awareness to shift into the adult-adult roles of complementary equality.

It’s not to say that respect and honoring of the elder parent shift, but more the realization that the child is no longer a child in need of rigid authority for safety and care. When a parent is able to make this shift, it provides an environment for the child to move more easily into the role of an emotionally mature, well-equipped and able adult; one who is less resistant to authority and advice when it is seriously warranted and welcomed.

This ideal takes both parties working together to understand the changing needs and shifting of the relationship roles. To accomplish this allows the parent-child relationship the opportunity to flourish into the next season of life, adult-to-adult.