Although change in most any area of life can often be challenging,
I think the rigid complimentary is the most difficult relationship to change. I tend to
view anything prefaced with the word “rigid” other than a highway, difficult.
Take the example shared in our text as a starting point, that of a
parent-child relationship. When a child is young it is pivotal for the safety and
well being of the child that a parent exercise areas of rigid authority, in a “one-up role.”
Yet, as the child grows and becomes a young adult and beyond, I believe it is
vital for parents to learn to shift their former rigid role of authority into
that of an influencer, and more complementary in the sense of sharing the
one-up dominant role and one-down submissive with their child. This is easier said than
accomplished, as it is difficult and requires constant effort and awareness to shift into the adult-adult roles of complementary equality.
It’s not to say that respect and honoring of the elder parent
shift, but more the realization that the child is no longer a child in need of
rigid authority for safety and care. When a parent is able to make this shift,
it provides an environment for the child to move more easily into the role of
an emotionally mature, well-equipped and able adult; one who is less resistant to
authority and advice when it is seriously warranted and welcomed.
This ideal takes both parties working together to understand the
changing needs and shifting of the relationship roles. To accomplish this allows the parent-child
relationship the opportunity to flourish into the next season of life,
adult-to-adult.
I like how you articulate the difficulties faced with changing the pattern of rigid complementary in an adult-child scenario. The rigid authority placed upon a child is normally done in the child’s best interest but as a child matures the dynamics of this relationship can become very difficult to navigate. The negative response to this type of rigidity is often felt during the tween and teenage years when a child begins to mature and challenge the authority of the parents. I know in my own experience this was an extremely trying time for me and my mother only ending when I was old enough to leave my parents’ home and be out on my own. It took work to build a more equal and adult relationship with my mother as the shift had become more abrupt then gradual. By rebuilding the relationship I became more understanding of the difficulties placed on resolving it and am more appreciative of both our current relationship and our previous one as well.
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