Mutually Satisfying Vacation

Managing interpersonal conflict takes an ongoing effort, daily, sometimes hour by hour depending on the health of the relationship. This is the case regardless what category the relationship falls into: parent/child, husband/wife, employer/employee, friend/friend, even professor/student.

The degree by which we successfully manage conflict depends greatly upon the willingness of the parties to openly and directly discuss their needs; at least this is so in our American low context culture.

I think it’s easy to look at a particular pair in conflict and immediately judge the situation, identifying the vocal one of the pair as more the aggressor, therefore, more the problem, the controller.

This is not always the case, and in my own experiences with those close to me I have found the individual who is passive-aggressive, who withdraws as the one who has more control over the matter. Not to say, this is true in all cases, but in my interpersonal family relationships, I have come to learn that this is the case, most often.

I appreciate the text suggesting problem solving as oppose to compromise. It makes great sense to think of a new creative answer that helps both parties obtain what’s important to them, as oppose to both walking away disgruntled and left wanting.

Take the example of the couple regarding taking a vacation; one party wanting to do so alone, the other wanting a joint vacation. In this example, a problem solving solution could be openly discussed with each party stating their need behind what they want, and then split the vacation time in half, taking some alone vacation time, and some together. This way, both parties receive what’s important to them, and feel heard.  Of course, this technique requires two mature people willing to collectively work together to find a mutual satisfying solution, which unfortunately, is not always feasible depending upon the individuals and the tools they have learned to utilize.